Whordawg's Rock and a Hard Spot

Subject: Man Rules

 

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

 

               

 

Finally , the guys' side of the story.( I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear " the rules " From the female side.  

 

               

 

Now here are the rules from the male side.    

 

 

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "ON PURPOSE!  

 

               

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

 

               

 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down,We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

 

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

 

1. Crying is blackmail.

 

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

 

 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

 

 

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.

 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

 

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

 

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

 

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

We have no idea what mauve is.

 

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

 

1. You have enough clothes.

 

1. You have too many shoes.

 

1. I am in shape.   Round IS a shape!

 

1. Thank you for reading this.

 

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

              But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

 

                             Any questions?  See rule number 1.

This post has been edited by an administrator

Subject: Man Rules

 

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

 

               

 

Finally , the guys' side of the story.( I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear " the rules " From the female side.  

 

               

 

Now here are the rules from the male side.    

 

 

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "ON PURPOSE!  

 

               

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

 

               

 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down,We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

 

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

 

1. Crying is blackmail.

 

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

 

 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

 

 

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.

 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

 

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

 

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

 

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

We have no idea what mauve is.

 

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

 

1. You have enough clothes.

 

1. You have too many shoes.

 

1. I am in shape.   Round IS a shape!

 

1. Thank you for reading this.

 

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

              But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

 

                             Any questions?  See rule number 1.

Subject: Man Rules

 

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

 

               

 

Finally , the guys' side of the story.( I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear " the rules " From the female side.  

 

               

 

Now here are the rules from the male side.    

 

 

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "ON PURPOSE!  

 

               

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

 

               

 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down,We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

 

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

 

1. Crying is blackmail.

 

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

 

 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

 

 

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.

 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

 

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

 

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

 

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

We have no idea what mauve is.

 

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

 

1. You have enough clothes.

 

1. You have too many shoes.

 

1. I am in shape.   Round IS a shape!

 

1. Thank you for reading this.

 

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

              But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

 

                             Any questions?  See rule number 1.

Subject: Man Rules

 

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

 

               

 

Finally , the guys' side of the story.( I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear " the rules " From the female side.  

 

               

 

Now here are the rules from the male side.    

 

 

These are our rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "ON PURPOSE!  

 

               

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.( FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

 

               

 

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down,We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

 

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

 

1. Crying is blackmail.

 

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

 

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

 

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

 

 

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

 

 

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.

 

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

 

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

 

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

 

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

 

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.

Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

We have no idea what mauve is.

 

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.

 

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

 

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

 

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

 

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

 

1. You have enough clothes.

 

1. You have too many shoes.

 

1. I am in shape.   Round IS a shape!

 

1. Thank you for reading this.

 

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

              But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

 

                             Any questions?  See rule number 1.

He's a cowboy poet and story teller and American and this short video just about says it all.

 

 

This short video just about says it all. Give it a look see.

 

 

He's a cowboy poet, story teller and working American cowboy. This video just about says it all.

 

 

  And you can practice on Thanksgiving
    * Holiday Eating Tips*
1.  Avoid carrot sticks.  Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2.  Drink as much eggnog as you can.  And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare.  In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch.  You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up!  Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?  It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something.  It's a treat. Enjoy it.  Have one for me. Have two.  It's later than you think.  It's Christmas!
3.  If something comes with gravy, use it.  That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.  Pour it on.  Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.  Fill it with gravy .  Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4.  As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk.  If it's skim, pass.  Why bother?  It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5.  Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating.  The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.  Lots of it.  Hello?
6.  Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.  This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7.  If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge.  Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.  They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.  If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8.  Same for pies.  Apple.  Pumpkin.  Mincemeat.  Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.  Always have three.  When else do you get to have more than one dessert?  Labor Day?
9.  Did someone mention fruitcake?  Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost.  I mean, have some standards.
10.  One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.  Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a great holiday

...remember that peace is not God's gift to us; peace is our gift to each other.
Elie Wiesel, Nobel lecture, 1986

  And you can practice on Thanksgiving
    * Holiday Eating Tips*
1.  Avoid carrot sticks.  Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2.  Drink as much eggnog as you can.  And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare.  In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch.  You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up!  Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?  It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something.  It's a treat. Enjoy it.  Have one for me. Have two.  It's later than you think.  It's Christmas!
3.  If something comes with gravy, use it.  That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.  Pour it on.  Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.  Fill it with gravy .  Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4.  As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk.  If it's skim, pass.  Why bother?  It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5.  Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating.  The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.  Lots of it.  Hello?
6.  Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.  This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7.  If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge.  Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.  They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.  If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8.  Same for pies.  Apple.  Pumpkin.  Mincemeat.  Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.  Always have three.  When else do you get to have more than one dessert?  Labor Day?
9.  Did someone mention fruitcake?  Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost.  I mean, have some standards.
10.  One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.  Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a great holiday

...remember that peace is not God's gift to us; peace is our gift to each other.
Elie Wiesel, Nobel lecture, 1986

  And you can practice on Thanksgiving
    * Holiday Eating Tips*
1.  Avoid carrot sticks.  Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2.  Drink as much eggnog as you can.  And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare.  In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch.  You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up!  Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?  It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something.  It's a treat. Enjoy it.  Have one for me. Have two.  It's later than you think.  It's Christmas!
3.  If something comes with gravy, use it.  That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.  Pour it on.  Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.  Fill it with gravy .  Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4.  As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk.  If it's skim, pass.  Why bother?  It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5.  Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating.  The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.  Lots of it.  Hello?
6.  Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.  This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7.  If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge.  Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.  They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.  If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8.  Same for pies.  Apple.  Pumpkin.  Mincemeat.  Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.  Always have three.  When else do you get to have more than one dessert?  Labor Day?
9.  Did someone mention fruitcake?  Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost.  I mean, have some standards.
10.  One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.  Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a great holiday

...remember that peace is not God's gift to us; peace is our gift to each other.
Elie Wiesel, Nobel lecture, 1986

  And you can practice on Thanksgiving
    * Holiday Eating Tips*
1.  Avoid carrot sticks.  Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.  Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2.  Drink as much eggnog as you can.  And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare.  In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch.  You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up!  Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?  It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something.  It's a treat. Enjoy it.  Have one for me. Have two.  It's later than you think.  It's Christmas!
3.  If something comes with gravy, use it.  That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.  Pour it on.  Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.  Fill it with gravy .  Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4.  As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk.  If it's skim, pass.  Why bother?  It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5.  Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating.  The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.  Lots of it.  Hello?
6.  Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.  This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7.  If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge.  Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.  They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.  If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8.  Same for pies.  Apple.  Pumpkin.  Mincemeat.  Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.  Always have three.  When else do you get to have more than one dessert?  Labor Day?
9.  Did someone mention fruitcake?  Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost.  I mean, have some standards.
10.  One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.  Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a great holiday

...remember that peace is not God's gift to us; peace is our gift to each other.
Elie Wiesel, Nobel lecture, 1986

2008's First Christmas Joke  

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said,  'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The man  from Nova Scotia fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The man from Saskatchewan reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Newfoundlander  started searching desperately through his pockets and  finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'


The Newfie  replied, 'These are Carols.'

2008's First Christmas Joke  

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said,  'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The man  from Nova Scotia fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The man from Saskatchewan reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Newfoundlander  started searching desperately through his pockets and  finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'


The Newfie  replied, 'These are Carols.'

2008's First Christmas Joke  

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said,  'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The man  from Nova Scotia fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The man from Saskatchewan reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Newfoundlander  started searching desperately through his pockets and  finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'


The Newfie  replied, 'These are Carols.'