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found this on cnn.com  so FUNNY

Michael Phelps Returns To His Tank At Sea World Michael Phelps Returns To His Tank At Sea World August 21, 2008 | Onion Sports Article Tools Share This Digg This Facebook Stumbleupon del.icio.us Reddit Email This To: From: Print This Related Articles Woman Turns Down $50 Million Offer From Professional Steeplechase League To Participate In Olympics August 7, 2008 U.S. Men's Gymnastics Team: 'Win Or Lose, We Will Cry' August 14, 2008 ORLANDO—Fourteen-time Olympic gold medalist and SeaWorld main attraction Michael Phelps returned to his seven-million-gallon water tank Wednesday to resume his normal schedule of performing in six shows a day for marine park crowds every day of the week. Phelps, the 6'4", 200-pound aquatic mammal, and the first ever SeaWorld swimmer to be raised in captivity by foster swimmers (Mark Spitz and Dara Torres), was recaptured by trainer Bob Bowman in a hoop net baited with an entire Dutch apple pie following Phelps' final Olympic event last Sunday. Phelps was then tethered to the rudder of a container ship bound for St. Petersburg, guided down local waterways, and introduced back into his home habitat, the tank in SeaWorld's 5,500 seat stadium, known to park officials and visitors alike as "Phelps' Happy Harbor." "Michael seemed really excited to be back," said Bowman, adding that the male swimmer became playful upon entering his tank, breaching the water and sounding repeatedly. "He just started swimming freestyle and backstroke, and only stopped to slide belly first onto the tank's platform so he could be fed dozens of fried egg sandwiches." "He fell asleep at the surface of the water around midnight," Bowman added. Though Bowman plans on continuing the long-running aquatic show "Michael, The Yankee Doodle Swim Team Captain," in which Phelps was performing prior to leaving for Beijing, Bowman said he and Phelps would begin working on an all-new production, which will debut in September with the title "Champion!" Bowman has promised this show would be the most ambitious program in the history of Olympic swimmer sea spectacles. Bowman says one stunt called the "Flying Medal" will begin with Phelps' 14 gold medals being suspended above the water. Phelps will then enter the stadium butterfly-stroking at full speed, coursing along the surface, and with every breach of the water, placing his head through the hoop of one medal after another. If Phelps is wearing all 14 medals at the end of the stunt, Bowman said, the swimmer will be rewarded with a whole pizza and a pound of cooked enriched pasta. Bowman confirmed that the routine would also feature the signature aquatic feats that audiences from around the world have come to expect from Phelps, such as his trademark trick of 35 flip turns in 35 seconds, nuzzling a child with his nose, and Bowman himself "surfing" on Phelps' back while the subservient sea creature swims the breaststroke. "Those seated in the first 14 rows should be prepared to get soaked," Bowman said, admitting that Phelps' powerful dolphin kicks would be added to the new program. "Also, Michael's two friends, [Olympic swimmers] Ryan [Lochte] and Jason [Lezak], will open the show with their humorous beach ball antics." Beginning with the 1985's "Baby Michael Celebration," Phelps has entertained SeaWorld audiences for over 20 years. Spectators are not only enthralled with Phelps' exploits in the water, but his abnormally large torso, unusually small lower body, double-jointed ankles, gargantuan eating habits, the slurring, almost human methods of vocalization he uses to communicate, and his odd-looking goggle-covered face, all of which combine to make him the most unusual sight in all of Florida. "I have never seen a stranger yet more majestic-looking creature," said husband and father of three Glenn McKay. "Last year we went to SeaWorld San Diego and saw [Michael's female counterpart] Michelle, and even though the show was a little funnier than this one, nothing compares to watching Michael almost hover over the water after launching his trainer into the air." "Michelle" is SeaWorld's moniker for the Olympic gold medalist who was born Natalie Coughlin. "I liked it when he played dead and floated in the water," added McKay's 8-year-old son Brandon, who was clutching a Michael Phelps stuffed doll. "I also liked when he blew water on everyone." Though spectators—and ticket-sales personnel—are happy that Phelps is back at SeaWorld, members of the World Society for the Conservation of Olympic Swimmers released a statement yesterday saying that these athletic mammals should be released from captivity. The statement claims that there is conclusive scientific proof that confinement in smaller pools of water, as opposed to wide-open, Olympic-sized pools, causes the swimmers sensory depravation and a shorter lifespan. "It's clear that Michael doesn't like being at SeaWorld," WSCOS spokesperson Jonathan Haines said. "When he was placed back into his tank, the slightly loose portion of his black swim cap immediately folded over to the right side, a telltale symptom of stress and angst. And you can be certain that, just before he left for Beijing, he didn't bite that little girl's arm off because he was happy."

Barack Obama is getting called out again for his knowledge of history, including his own family’s, after declaring to veterans on Memorial Day that his uncle helped liberate the Auschwitz death camp at the end of World War II.

Two problems with the tale: Auschwitz was liberated by the Soviet Army, and Obama’s American mother was an only child.

Speaking in Las Cruces, N.M., on Monday, the Democratic presidential candidate said he did not serve, but comes from a family that did sacrifice for the nation. He was speaking about the many members of the military who suffer post traumatic stress disorder and should be given better care.

“I had a uncle who was one of the, who was part of the first American troops to go into Auschwitz and liberate the concentration camps and the story in our family is that when he came home, he just went up into the attic and he didn’t leave the house for six months, right. Now obviously something had really affected him deeply but at that time there just weren’t the kinds of facilities to help somebody work through that kind of pain,” he said.

However, a quick check on the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum Web site shows that Soviet forces were the first to approach Auschwitz, which was in Poland.

“On Jan. 27, 1945, the Soviet army entered Auschwitz and liberated more than 7,000 remaining prisoners,” the site reads.

U.S. forces did liberate several camps, including Ohrdruf Concentration Camp on April 4, 1945; Mittelbau-Dora Concentration Camp on April 11, 1945; Buchenwald on April 12, 1945; Dachau on April 29, 1945; and Mauthausen on May 5, 1945.

Obama was raised in part by his grandparents, and his father served in the second World War. A request for clarification has been made to the Obama campaign.

Judge Orders Whites Out Of Atlanta Court
WSBTV.com. ^ | March 28, 2008

Posted on 03/29/2008 12:54:02 PM PDT by kingattax

ATLANTA -- Judge Marvin Arrington insists he's not a racist; despite ordering white lawyers out of his courtroom on Thursday.

The Fulton County Superior Court judge said he was just fed up seeing a parade of young black defendants in his courtroom.

"I came out and saw the defendants, about 99.9 percent Afro-Americans, and some point time I excused some of the lawyers, most of them white, and said to the young people in here 'What in the world are you doing with your lives,'" he told WSB-TV Channel 2 reporter JaQuitta Williams.

Arrington said he thought his message might have more power if it was delivered to a blacks-only audience.

"I didn't think about racism or reverse racism, I practiced law for 30 years and 75 percent of my partners were white," he explained.

The judge said the majority of people who appear before him accused of crimes such as murder, rape and robbery are black and he wanted to do something about it, one on one.

"I didn't want them to think I was talking down to them; trying to embarrass them or insult them; be derogatory towards them and I was just saying 'Please get yourself together,'" he said.

Arrington added that he may make a similar speech next week, but this time he'll allow everyone to hear it.